Our Depravity PART II

If you didn't read Part I, do so now.

Our Depravity PART I

As I stare out the window listening to the little grip scream, I faintly hear another voice. I listen more carefully. Sure enough it's Grandma calling for the little girl. Old people are harder to understand. They don't usually speak the most standard language. BUT I am sure she was telling the little girl to stop screaming and come towards her.

The little girl is finally tired from screaming and crying and looks like she is about to give up. In the moments that she is quiet, she hears her grandmother's voice. She quickly turns towards the voice. You can tell she is trying to find her with her eyes, but having no luck. The little girl calls out softly, partly panicked and partly relieved.

Grandma finally comes into view. But the little girl doesn't run to her. She doesn't scream or cry out in relief. She doesn't jump up and down with joy. She stands still and waits until Grandma has come up right in front of her. Grandma wipes her tears and fixes her jacket and backpack. But little girl seems completely uninterested in Grandma. She seems to be ignoring Grandma. Grandma starts to try to lead her away, but little girl lingers and drags her feet. Her attitude is the opposite of what it seemed to be before: desperation to indifference.

Is that what I do? Is that who I am? Is that how I respond? Yes. Sometimes. I panic. I cry out for deliverance. I search and search and search. I see Him. I'm indifferent because He's back in sight and I'm not desperate anymore. I don't die with joy and excitement because of His return. And when He tried to lead me, I don't want to go. When I don't have Him right next to me, I freak. When He's right next to me, I give Him the cold shoulder at times.

This is me sometimes. Not all the time. But I think this is us sometimes.

Kathy

My sweet friend Kathy is kind of a heart breaker. To be honest, she's pretty cute and has quite a charming way about her. We've been meeting one-on-one for about a year and a half now. Her growth has been slow, but strong. Once her mind is made up, there's no changing it.

Her most recent dilemma is falling in love with someone who isn't a believer. This isn't the first time this has happened. She's spent a lot of one-on-one time with him and they talk pretty often. I warned her about this before because too much one-on-one time with a boy could lead to some confusing feelings for her and/or him.

She knew all the pros and cons of course. And most importantly, that she shouldn't date him because he wasn't a believer. We've discussed this topic of dating or not dating him for two weeks now.

Tonight, she told me the man was super persistent and she felt like she needed to either date him or cut all ties with him. I told her that was a good idea. I also told her I thought it would be a good idea to make a deadline. She said a week. So, I did a quick prayer for her while walking home.

FOUR HOURS LATER

She called to say she made her decision. I was a little worried about what she was about to say. BUT she told me that she made the decision to seperate herself for him! I was sooooooo excited! I know it's a hard decision to make when your feelings are all out of whack, but I was sooooo proud of her. I congratulated her and then she told me she felt like a "stone has been taken from my heart." She felt relaxed and happy about the decision.

Well done, Kathy, well done :)

Not My Dish

A student/friend came over to make some banana bread. She's so great! So funny and sarcastic. I just love her.

Anyways, we were just chatting away and of course the topic came around to boys. There is one boy in particular that seems to have a lot of girl friends. I just had to ask if she thought he was cute or if she liked him.

"He's not my dish," she said.

"What?"

"He's not my dish. Do you know what I mean?"

"No. Do you mean, he's not your type, not your style?"

"Yes, it's what we say in our native language. I just translated it."

How funny is that to say, "he's not my dish" to describe a boy or girl that is not your type. Then I doubled checked with her the translation in the native language. It was even funnier.

Our Depravity

The other day, I was trying to read my Bible. I was really sleepy, but knew I had no other time in my day to do it, so I really tried to buckle down. However, right outside my window (or so it would seem) there was a little girl screaming her head off. I'm not even kidding. There were moments of silence when she would take a deep breath and then wail her little heart and lungs out. My lack of rest contributed significantly to the fact that this was annoying the heck out of me. I took several deep breaths and prayed. For peace. For quiet. It came.

FAST FORWARD ABOUT A WEEK:

This time I wasn't reading my Bible, but looking over material for a study. A girl about 5 years old was screaming, "Grandma!" at the top of her little lungs. Over and over and over she shouted. Crying for help. As I looked out my bedroom window, I saw the little girl with her purple back pack running back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across the small patch of grass. Searching. Straining her eyes for something to tell her someone was coming for her. This time I wasn't annoyed. I felt sad and sorry for the little girl. I was upset that the grandmother wasn't anywhere in sight. She was so fearful.



I couldn't help but think about my relationship with God. Is that what I am? I feel like a child often with Him. Without experience, without knowlegde, without patience, without wisdom, without courage. Is that what I do...? Scream. Yell. Search for help. Panic when I think I'm alone.

Stay Tuned for Part II

Long Time, No See

Well, I have been a quite a slacker in terms of my health. I haven't worked out in months and I haven't taken time to prepare food, but just eating junk lately. Part of the problem is busy-ness.

But this week, I made sure I went to the gym at least once. When I arrived people commented on my hair. I recently cut it and they seem to like it. I like it.

I and about 10 other people go pretty consistantly. We all smile and are friendly to one another. But it wasn't until about just before Christmas that some of the women warmed up to me. I think they thought I couldn't speak their language. But quite a few people comment about how I hadn't been in a long time. They emphasized long.

I was glad they welcomed me back with open arms. It's a nice little niche.

Why don't they understand me?

I promised some language flubs. So, here they are.
Despite my ridiculous mistakes from time to time, my friends are so encouraging and helpful. Giving me great praise and challenging me. And my mistakes always seem suitable for a little laughter.


What I wanted to say: Can I tell you a secret?

What I said: Can I tell you a password?

What I wanted to say: At that place, I need to pick up my friend.

What I said: At that place, I need to grab my friend. (The word grab is only used as in grabbing with your hands, like grasping. My friends got a real kick out of that one.)

What I wanted to say: And you?!

What I said: Nila! (The words for "and you?/what about you?" sound really similar to my last name. My friends thought I was just shouting my name.)

What I wanted to say: When you were little, did you do that?

What I said: When you were grown up, did you do that? I'm never quite sure where to put the suffix to change something.

What I wanted to say: When you are scared, you can come to my house.

What I said: When you are scary, you can come to my house. I couldn't help but laughing at myself.