Venus is one of my former students. We spent gobs and gobs of time together when I was her teacher. She was currently obsessed with a male upperclassman at that time. After she moved on to her junior year, we still meet monthly. But Kevin, a female sophomore at that time, would join us. Finally, about Christmas time, she wanted to have a serious conversation. We met and she told me about how Kevin wanted to be more than just friends. I wasn’t shocked, but saddened.
- Kevin was really kind.
- They were really comfortable together.
- They knew each other for a long time.
- It would be like a normal relationship.
- She is like a man.
- She just wanted to try it.
- She eventually would get married to a man.
- She wanted to have a baby and her parents expected her to get married and have a kid.
- She was still attracted to men, but just wanted to see what a homosexual relationship was like and didn’t see what the harm was.
- God created man and woman for each other.
- It was unnatural. There was no way for them to have babies.
- No matter how much Kevin acted like a man, talked like a man, dressed like a man, SHE was a SHE.
- Men and women are meant to balance each other out.
- It wasn’t going to go beyond college.
- If it did go beyond college, gay marriage is NOT accepted in China, what then?
- If it wasn’t going to go beyond college, why even engage in it?
- It was going to have repercussions in her future.
- What would her future husband think?
- People were going to judge her for being so flippant about her sexuality.
- What were her parents going to think?
After several dinner dates and conversations, going over the same things, she decided to go for it. Going into her senior year and Kevin’s junior year, they were still together and we still had dinner or coffee monthly. They even met my mom when she came to visit in October 2013. We have celebrated birthday together this year. But several times over the year, Venus and I meet separately to talk about the problems she and Kevin were having.
Present Day: We just met this week for coffee. She said she wanted to have some girl talk. I knew that meant Kevin Talk. I braced myself and prayed constantly the day before we met until we met.
Several weeks before she had travelled to a university in another province for an interview for grad school. She got in and was really excited about it. BUT she didn’t know what to do about Kevin.
Questions I posed for her:
- Did you want to have a long-distance relationship?
- No. We have been having so many problems and I am tired of trying and being more mature than her.
- So, how will you break up with her?
- I don’t know. Some of my friends suggested I just slowly push her away. Just say I don’t have time, I have too much homework or something when I go to grad school.
- Why wouldn’t you do it sooner?
- I don’t want to be so cruel. I think it is terrible if I just tell her I don’t want to be with her anymore. And if I break up now, I will just feel sad and lonely and get back together.
- Don’t you think it’s selfish to stay together? You don’t love her, if you really loved her, you would let her go and move on.
- You are right. I don’t love her. And I will get married someday. To a man.
- Why would you want to stay friends after you break up?
- It seems so cruel to not communicate after being together so long. We can still be friends.