Brea

Our meeting started as usual. We got right to work. Or I did. This is our thing: I make some baked good. She videos me and asks questions. Then we wait. I make coffee. And we eat the baked good. Then it gets to the good stuff. We talk about God, Christianity, beliefs, philosophy, boys, life, friends, etc.

This Saturday wasn’t any different. Or at first glance, anyway. We, as in I, made the cheesecake and since I was out of coffee beans, she brought coffee for us. 

Then the conversation began. But let's back up. June 2014 she had told me she had made a decision to become a follower of Baha’i. I have to admit, I don’t know the ins and outs of Baha’i, but what I do know doesn’t make sense. Since June, I was under the impression that things were pretty set in stone and I wasn’t sure how much I was going to invest in her. But a recent discussion in my Bible class made her feel insecure about our friendship. A student had asked me what I thought about Baha’i. I made sure to preface what I said with, “This is just my opinion.” I went on to say how ridiculous it all seems. Baha’i says all beliefs lead to the same god. How can one, two or even three different beliefs being saying the same thing? A lot of belief are based on works; doing good things, being a good person. But Christianity’s base is in faith. It’s not what we do, but what Jesus has done for us. He’s sacrificed his perfect body, mind and soul for us. We deserve punishment and banishment from God, but he took that for us. We are therefore exempt. 

As we began to talk, she revealed she was still searching. She feels lost and frustrated. She doesn’t want to be in the middle. She wants to make a choice. But she wants to make the right choice.

Heaven and Hell.

Christianity is clear. Those who believe in Jesus and follow Him are going to be with Him forever in Heaven. Those who don’t are going to a Lake of Fire, aka. Hell.

Baha’i has a more fluid belief about eternity. There is no hell. The more developed your virtues (honesty, kindness, etc.) are the closer you are to God. The less developed your virtues are the further away from God you are. The more developed you are, the more complete your spiritual body will be. I posed the question, “So, there is no punishment for people?” Her response was, “Being far from God is a punishment. It’s like Hell.”
Me - “But people that don’t care about God and virtues, don’t care if they are close or far from God. So, there is or isn't a Hell?”
Brea - “It’s like Hell, but God is sad if the people are not close to him.”
Me - “But if the people don’t care, it doesn’t matter if they are close or far away from God.”
Brea - "But it will make God sad."
Me - "But they don't care if God is sad."

Virtues/Good Works vs. Faith in Jesus and what He has done

Of course we had to hit this topic. She insisted that developing kindness and honesty and other good character qualities was not self-centered. She said developing those virtues was actually focused on God. I told her it sounded like Baha’i was centered on self-development.

But Christianity was centered on what Jesus had done for people. His sacrifice compels people to show him honor, praise and please Him. But ultimately, what we do is “filthy rags” to Him.

She reiterated that the development of virtues is about God. I asked how.
Brea - “Because we want to become better people. So, then we can deserve God.”
Me - “See that is a huge difference in Christianity. We deserve death because of our sin. Baha’i doesn’t say anything about being enemies with God. It doesn’t say that people have disobeyed Him. We don't deserve to live. We deserve death. But God is gracious. He erases our sin, if we believe in Jesus’ sacrifice for us.”

Different messengers with one message from one god

Baha’i says that different “deities” or religious leaders (Muhammed, Jesus, Buddha, etc.) have the same message to share and are different messengers sent for one god. I started with the statement that all those different leaders had different messages. Muhammad said you had to follow the pillars of faith. Hinduism says try and try again until you reach the highest level of enlightenment. Jesus says I love you and I want to take your punishment for you so that you can live. None of those are the same message.

Brea - “But the essence is the same.”
Me - “What essence? They all have a message, but all their messages are different. They can’t all be real or true.”
Brea - “God is the essence of all those messengers.”
Me - “Then why does the message change? In Christianity, God is the same. God is constant. He is faithful. He is loyal. He doesn’t change. People do. He sent many messengers, prophets. They all said the same thing. The Bible is consistent. But different religions have different messages. That's why they aren’t the same.”

Venus, a stellar person, not planet

This post is a little late. But I have to "finish" the story. In tears.

Venus. Oh goodness, do I love that girl! Hence the tears. She is someone I will forever keep in contact with. And forever remember.

She's spunky, opinionated, cute, gutsy, crazy, kind, deep, thoughtful, stubborn, loving, loud and much much more.

Our last meeting was in June. She came over to my apartment for one last chat. I have always enjoyed talking to her.  The variety and depth or our conversations over the past 3 years is quite amazing. We never seem to run out of things to say. The topics of our last chat were Kevin, sex and dating in grad school.

Kevin. If you don't know who Kevin is, you should check out this post or this post. She had finally broke it off with Kevin, who was her lesbian girlfriend for the past 2 and a half years. She had debated for a while about when to do it, next term or this summer. She thought a slower break (over a couple of months) would be easier to accept. But they had a calm, collected conversation and "mutually" decided it was time to end their relationship. She wasn't broken up about it at all. She was revealed to be finished with it. She had become irritated and annoyed with Kevin's immaturity level and neediness and carelessness and lack of dependability. I told her some of that was Kevin's age and some of that was expectations that couldn't be met in another person. She was looking for love, stability, and fulfillment in a person. That was only going to lead her to heartache and disappointment. I reminded her I believed what she was looking for could only be found in God. Even if she found a man she thought was perfect, he was going to fail her, disappoint her, or anger her at some point in time. That ache/desire in her heart was only going to be fulfilled through God. She heard it all before and listened and understood. But ultimately, said she thought she could still have a good and happy marriage with out God or belief.

Dating. She had so many questions for me. What would I do and not do with my boyfriend, physically. What kind of things would we talk about. Just to clarify, my students all know I had a boyfriend in high school and college. I've shared various stories with them. Some of her questions were hypotheticals. Let me go on a tangent for a moment. Another thing to note is the maturity of level of college students in China. I may have said this before, but they are considerably less mature than the average American student. They don't usually pay for their tuition, food, cellphone bill, dorm fees, etc. They rely primarily on their parents. Some might rely on them less, but over all that isn't the case. Some might have a part time job. But most of them don't. Their parents believe they should focus on school.  SO, when I talk about boys and dating and sex, they get all sorts of giggly. They snicker and can't seem to help but cover their mouth in shock and awe of what I say. Venus, isn't that way. So, I shared some of the naive physical boundaries my boyfriend of the past and I had. She was intrigued. She said, "How can you stick to them so strictly, Nila?" I laughed. I said, "Sometimes, it wasn't easy. And, to be honest, most of the time, I had to say 'Stop' or 'That isn't ok.' I think men and women see and feel physical things very differently." I also told her said boyfriend and I were friends for about a year before we dated and we dated for about a 1 year and a half to 2 years. She was really surprised. It's not uncommon for Chinese to date 4-5 years before tying the knot. She said most people that date that long will stay together. I told her I stayed with him too long. I should have broken up earlier. About a year after dating, I was sure I wasn't going to marry him. Even after time and growth, it just wasn't going to work out. I encouraged her to know what she is willing to accept and what she's not. And if she needs to change those expectations from time to time, it's okay. But if she really can't accept smoking or lack of independence from family, then she should wait. Of course, it's "easy" for me to say all this. I'm American. There's "little to no pressure" for me to get married or have kids. But Asian families and parents are very opinionated and put a lot of pressure on their youngsters. She said she doesn't mind waiting, but she's not sure how her family will accept that idea. But she was very excited to see and meet new people in grad school. And possibly find the love of her life! There were endless opportunities in grad school.

Sex. Hahaha! I honestly can't remember how we came to this topic, but we did. I think I asked her what she would do if her boyfriend was pressuring her to have sex. I have heard this from so many young Chinese girls. They don't want to have sex. But they fear their boyfriends will leave them and find someone else. Which may very well be true. She said, very confidently, "I will never have sex with my boyfriend. I don't think it's ok. Girls should protect themselves. They should have confidence. And if my boyfriend tries to pressure me, I will say no. And if her continues for a long time, I don't need him. Maybe he's not right for me." Bravo! I love her tenacity. She expressed her thoughts about how sex is very intimate and special. She does not want to do it with everyone. She would like to wait to get married. I felt happy for her. To be so sure and so secure in her convictions. I wonder, if she will feel the same when/if the situation arises.


I hope to go visit her at some point. She is studying in a place that is called "Spring City" in Chinese. I've been there before and it has wonderful weather and lots of foreign goods. I suppose I could make some time to go ;)

My Cousin Vinnie

Do you remember that movie? I don't remember much. But I remember the title. I think someone was on trial and he had a crazy cousin from the Bronx that was going to be his lawyer. Anyways...

This is my friend, Vinnie.

He is just a pleasure. I loved having him in my class and loved how active and inquisitive he was in the Bible class I taught. And last Spring, we studied further in the Bible with several other girls. This past Fall, the tradition continued and we all studied together again. However, this Spring, they had to get real and do an internship in order to graduate. So, in December 2013, we all had dinner together and said good-bye until graduation in July of 2014.

I prayed for him and the others off and on over the past months. But that was about it. Then I got a text.

Wait. A little back story: In Spring of 2012, he completed my Oral English course. At the end of the oral final, a small group discussion, he asked, "Did you give me a bad grade because I'm gay?"

I was a little shocked and stricken. But I smiled and replied, "Vinnie, you received a bad grade because you weren't a good student. I LOVED having you in class. When you came. But you rarely came and sometimes, you would play on your phone the whole time. Do you think coming to class half the time and playing on your phone deserves a good grade for an Oral English class?"

He laughed. "Okay, okay. I understand."

"Honestly, I never knew you were gay. I thought, maybe. But until you said something NOW, I assumed you weren't. It's rude to make assumptions based on appearance or actions that may not mean anything."

"Thank you, Nila. Wow. You have such principles."

Fast forward to June 2014: Our text conversation...

Vinnie:
my dear Lina, thank you for teaching me the Bible and I do enjoy the days when we talk about everything related to christianity .I leart a lot of things from you and I cherrish it very much. I am back home now ,because something terrible is  happening to me ！I beg that you can pray for me by the name of God and I do hope you can have a good life wherever you are！  from your lovely Vinnie！

Me:
Oh Vinnie!!! You are a dear dear DEAR friend. I will definitely pray for you! Thank you for asking! I'm sorry to hear your bad news. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you. And if you ever want to talk, I'm always ready to listen 

Vinnie:
maybe it is not the right time to tell you that and actully I dare not tell you . I got a terrible disease which will kill me gradually , but if i take pills everyday i can have a normal life as you have！ I know you are a nice girl who i can trust,so i want to share my secret with you and it will realax me a lot！ dont ask me what disease i am with now,i will tell you when necessary.what i want now is your praying and a normal life. i hope that i can see you again in the future！

Me:
Ok. I will still pray for you. And I will wait for you to tell me your secret when you are ready. I hope you know I will accept anything. I think you are a very good friend of mine 

Vinnie:
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) i need to have a rest.good night,my friend！

Glasses Twins

Every fall term I teach a class called The Bible and Christianity. This alone is very rare and special in China. I have never heard of any other person doing this. And I highly doubt I will ever. The students in that class are my old sophomores. When they are juniors they have the choice to take several electives. I’m always encouraged and excited to see 50+ students in my class that first day. Some take the class because they are truly interested, some just like me as a teacher.

Let me tell you a little about Ocean. He has one of the most gentle and kind souls. Even in English class, he was attentive, active and so insightful. So, I was excited to see him in class.

Throughout the fall semester, he was SUPER active and a GREAT participant. As we walked through creation, the first sin, the Law, the Messiah, Jesus and his parables, Ocean lit up each week. He asked wonderful questions and had thoughtful insights. And half the time when other students posed questions, he was quick to jump in and respond with accurate answers. He just GOT it. It was great.

From earlier posts, you may have read about some Kentucky friends that came to visit. While they were here, Ocean had some time to hang out with Ben and Tyler. I don’t know the details of what they talked about, but I did hear that both parties enjoyed talking with each other. The information I got from Tyler and Ben was that Ocean considers himself a believer or at the very least, very close to becoming one.

In the spring, I always offering to study further with students from the Bible class that desire to study more. Ocean was one of those students. We’ve been studying through James. And once again, he just GETS it. 

Continue to pray for him and his journey towards the One True God.

Isn’t he the cutest? We’re glasses twins. I couldn’t resist a photo.

Linda and her heavy burden...Part Two

If you haven't read my previous post, Part One, you should.

Ok, picture it. August 2013. Linda calls and asks about my upcoming Bible class!!! I'm so glad she remembered, or Father reminded her. I told her the time, place and date. She said she could come the first couple weeks because she doesn't have class. She teaches freshmen and they start later in the semester. I was excited and told her I would meet her and we could walk together.

The first couple weeks we cover Creation, the Fall, freedom, The Law, etc. Some good ol' good Old Testament stuff. She loved the Creation story. 

"God must be so creative and so powerful to do all those things. But I still can't understand how there is light, but there is no sun. He is also very organized."

When we talk about the Fall, I pose the "What is freedom?" question. And "Are rules necessary?" "Can you have rules and freedom?"

"This is such a good question. It really makes me think and I think it makes your students think too. I always thought freedom is doing what I want. But there must be rules. If there is no rules, things will go crazy. Maybe society can not be under control. And God gave the man and woman one rule. It's very easy, but they didn't follow. Before I knew the whole story, I thought God is so cruel. But I can understand more. We must follow rules. We should follow rules. Or there will be chaos."

After a couple weeks, she couldn't come to class anymore. We met a couple times outside of class and talked more about the Bible. I also gave her one to borrow. She said she had been reading it and loved all the stories. They were very interesting.

Around November 2013, she told me she didn't want to be separated from her husband anymore. She was really upset about this. But he was unwilling to move back after graduating in May 2014. He wanted her to go there. But she knew the difficulties of moving and how hard their life would be. He didn't have a promise of a job after graduation. She also wasn't sure if she was going to be able to find a job. Many Chinese people say, "The competition is fierce." There are SO many people with much of the same certificates and qualifications. You have to be exceptional in order to stand out and be hired. She wasn't confident that she would be noticed in such a massive city. All these worried about her marriage, finances, her in-laws, her son and job weighed heavy on her. But she was pretty sure, even if she didn't want to go, her husband wasn't going to budge. She would more than likely be moving in summer of 2014.

I told her I would be praying for her and her family. I would be really sad if she would to go, but I understand. If I was married, I would most DEFINITELY not live in a different city. I told her to keep reading the Bible I gave since it gives her peace. And that she is more than welcome to take it with her. Join me in praying for her.

Faith Like Potatoes

I’m not really a big fan of cheesy Christian movies. I have friends who JUST love Faith Like Potatoes, that marriage movie, Courageous and oh yeah, that football one…Don’t get me wrong, they are good, wholesome movies, but I like to be on the edge of my seat, wondering "What going to happen next!?!?" And those movies are just too predictable. FYI: I also like movies with some kind of sacrificial love. But having seen said movies, I am reminded of them because of the past week.

Several new friends came to visit from Kentucky. It was SOOOO much fun to see them fall in love with a people that are so close to my own heart. They loved the food, which is always a plus and actively pursued students in bringing them closer to the One, True God. Now, stay with me. It might get messy.

Sufi is a sophomore in my Oral English class. I was immediately pulled towards her because of her sweet smile and disposition. Our friendship was effortless and we could talk for hours. We, of course had several conversation about God, the spiritual realm, Buddhism, her family, etc.

Sufi had told me about so much. About how disappointed her father was when her older sister was born. About how he was not interested in her life. About more disappointment when she was born. In Asia, especially China, boys are valued higher than girls. This just broke my heart. Her whole childhood she had tried so hard to gain her father's approval. But had never succeeded. She said her relationship with her father was a cold and very distant. However, it was a contrast with her relationship with her mother. She her and her mother were very close.

Back to KY friends. Savannah and Logan met Sufi their second day here. And they feel in love with her just like I did. They had great conversations. And previous to their meeting, Sufi had told me her one big hang up was believing that there was ONLY ONE God. She wanted to believe everyone was free to believe whatever they wanted. But I told her, they could, but only one thing can be TRUE. She understood, but didn't want to commit. But during the week with Logan and Savannah, her heart changed. And that's only by the power of Father and the Holy Spirit. Savannah told her about having to just take a "leap of faith" sometimes. And so she did!!! It was a great end to a great week.

I meet with her the following week and we talked about navigating through the Good Book, meeting with other believers, prayer, sharing with other people. She seemed just as excited as when Savannah and Logan told me about her commitment to become a Christian.

But as I expected, she seemed most hesitant about meeting with others. Chinese people are all about the groups. People don't share opinions too freely or openly because it might go against the group. As a communication major, I would call this GroupThink. It's not really a good thing. But that's how they do it. ANYWAY, she felt weird going to this group of believers all alone and not knowing anyone there. I told her she had to try it at least three times before she gave up.

Back to cheesy Christian movies. Faith Like Potatoes is about this this farmer who is trying to grow potatoes in Africa. All these people say it can't be done. But he has faith because he has to. There's no way to know it works until it's harvest time. And then you dig and see if you got a potato or not. And of course, he does in the movie.

So, my life here, sharing with people is a lot like that movie. I share about Jesus. I listen to their hearts. I serve the people. I love people. I hug people. But in the end, I can only have faith. I don't know what's happening inside. But God does. And every once in a while, He digs and pulls out a potato :)

Linda and her heavy burden...Part One

I met Linda 3 years ago. She is a teacher in the Foreign Language Department too. She was immediately drawn to me because I was so beautiful and young. Her words, not mine ;) I wasn't sure how I was going to relate to her. She is married and had a young son. She had never been to America and had some back problems. I tried sharing the Good News with her anyways. She quickly told me she has always been interested in spiritual things. But she didn't know how to learn about it and she didn't know how to choose which religion to follow. I offered to study with her, but she politely refused. She had to take care of her son. He was just over a year at the time. I told her I was always willing to talk with her whenever she had time. Over the course of the school year, we meet a handful of times to eat and chat.

Fast forward to 2011. She shared more details of her struggles with me. She wasn't really happy with her husband. He was a nice enough guy, but she decided to marry him because she was getting older and he was kind. But ever since we met, he had been study for his master's in Beijing. He only came home twice a year. She also told me more about her back problems and how it really held her back from a number of things. She always felt tired and still didn't know what to believe in. She said she had been reading a book about Buddhism recently.

Sweet, sweet Linda. In 2012, she invited me to her home several times. Each time we talked, I made sure to share my beliefs with her. She was always curious about my peace and faith. She has made several comments over the years about how I never seem stressed. I told her that the peace I had only came from God. I offered again and again to study with her. The year before, I had given her a Bible. But she still declined and said that maybe next year she would join the Bible class I teach. I said I would gladly welcome her to my class. She also told me her back problems had improved some, but still didn't feel fully healed. 

Over the years, Linda had asked me about marriage and finding a husband. Like most people, they wonder if I will seek out a Chinese man to marry. I say the same thing. My beliefs, my God is my utmost priority. So, I don't really care what nationality a man is, but he MUST be a believer. He MUST love the Lord. And if I find a man that loves the Lord as much as I do and loves me, it would be something to consider. But I will wait until the Lord reveals that man to me. If he does. I also tell people I deeply desire to have a husband and children, but maybe that is not in God's plan for me. So, I should be obedient to what he asks me to do.Whether it's get married, have kids, stay in China, go to another place, go home, don't get married or don't have kids. Each time, she said, "You have so much faith. To believe. To wait." And I say, "I have to. If I don't have my belief in God, I have nothing. It's not easy believing and following. And sometimes, it's terribly lonely. But I love God more than I love myself or my comfort. So, I continue."


Come back for Part Two to hear about when she attend my Bible Class!!!

Week 2

It's Week 2, here on the East Side. The semester doesn't really feel like it's in full swing, but I'm sure by next month, I'll be ready for a little break.

In my normal oral English classes, we are learning a couple of new vocab words and idioms. As well as having a discussion on questions students brought to class. So, far, these are some of the questions we've discussed:

What is your opinion on Syria?
Why do you prefer tattoos? (Just to clarify, I never said I PREFERRED tattoos. I have one, so I must prefer them, right?)
Are you for or against Cosplay? (I had to look that one up!)
Is it possible for you to marry and Chinese man and live in China forever?
What was your impression of Chinese before coming to America?
How do you deal with your meals on the weekend? Eat at a restaurant or cook at home?
What do you do when you face difficulties?
What kind of music do you like?
Do you like horror movies?
How many kids do you want to have? (They were shocked by my answer, 3 or 4.)

In the Bible class, we are discussing the creation of humankind. We also talked about human freedom, peace and love. When I asked "What is freedom?" This is what I got:

To be an individual
To have choose your own personality
To do what you want
To say what you want
To be able to NOT do something
Financial independence

When I asked, "Can you have rules and freedom?" There was a resounding YES. They thought there is no way to have a concept of freedom if there are no rules.

We also discussed how there is risk in love. You can give your love to another person, but there is a chance that they will reject that love and not return love to you. Rejection can be painful. They could easily understand this idea of freedom and rules and love and risk. When I related that to man and God, it was a little more difficult to accept.

Why would God give them a rule?
Why would God test man like that?

Overall, good discussion and good questions. What a good time.

It's like Christmas!

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to hand out 50 Bible to my students. I teach 6 Oral English classes. But every once in a while, I get to teach a "Bible and Christanity" class. It took some convincing, but I finally got my supervisor to give me the okay to let students BORROW Bibles IF I could find some place to purchase them. He wasn't convinced I could find a place that had that many or that I had the funds to buy them. But the Lord always provides... So, some friends helped me ordered them online. The students were excited for their new books. And I prayed that unkind eyes would be sheilded from what I was doing. So, when I handed them out, it felt like Christmas to me. Giving them a great gift.

Our Depravity PART II

If you didn't read Part I, do so now.

Our Depravity PART I

As I stare out the window listening to the little grip scream, I faintly hear another voice. I listen more carefully. Sure enough it's Grandma calling for the little girl. Old people are harder to understand. They don't usually speak the most standard language. BUT I am sure she was telling the little girl to stop screaming and come towards her.

The little girl is finally tired from screaming and crying and looks like she is about to give up. In the moments that she is quiet, she hears her grandmother's voice. She quickly turns towards the voice. You can tell she is trying to find her with her eyes, but having no luck. The little girl calls out softly, partly panicked and partly relieved.

Grandma finally comes into view. But the little girl doesn't run to her. She doesn't scream or cry out in relief. She doesn't jump up and down with joy. She stands still and waits until Grandma has come up right in front of her. Grandma wipes her tears and fixes her jacket and backpack. But little girl seems completely uninterested in Grandma. She seems to be ignoring Grandma. Grandma starts to try to lead her away, but little girl lingers and drags her feet. Her attitude is the opposite of what it seemed to be before: desperation to indifference.

Is that what I do? Is that who I am? Is that how I respond? Yes. Sometimes. I panic. I cry out for deliverance. I search and search and search. I see Him. I'm indifferent because He's back in sight and I'm not desperate anymore. I don't die with joy and excitement because of His return. And when He tried to lead me, I don't want to go. When I don't have Him right next to me, I freak. When He's right next to me, I give Him the cold shoulder at times.

This is me sometimes. Not all the time. But I think this is us sometimes.

Our Depravity

The other day, I was trying to read my Bible. I was really sleepy, but knew I had no other time in my day to do it, so I really tried to buckle down. However, right outside my window (or so it would seem) there was a little girl screaming her head off. I'm not even kidding. There were moments of silence when she would take a deep breath and then wail her little heart and lungs out. My lack of rest contributed significantly to the fact that this was annoying the heck out of me. I took several deep breaths and prayed. For peace. For quiet. It came.

FAST FORWARD ABOUT A WEEK:

This time I wasn't reading my Bible, but looking over material for a study. A girl about 5 years old was screaming, "Grandma!" at the top of her little lungs. Over and over and over she shouted. Crying for help. As I looked out my bedroom window, I saw the little girl with her purple back pack running back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across the small patch of grass. Searching. Straining her eyes for something to tell her someone was coming for her. This time I wasn't annoyed. I felt sad and sorry for the little girl. I was upset that the grandmother wasn't anywhere in sight. She was so fearful.



I couldn't help but think about my relationship with God. Is that what I am? I feel like a child often with Him. Without experience, without knowlegde, without patience, without wisdom, without courage. Is that what I do...? Scream. Yell. Search for help. Panic when I think I'm alone.

Stay Tuned for Part II

Will you give me some...?

Jessica is an old friend. She had always seeked me out to talk to. Mostly she wanted to talk about politics and practice her English. I was okay with that.

Occasionally, I would bring up my beliefs. Okay, more than occasionally. But most of the time, she would listen and never showed any interest.

Last week, she invited herself over to have salad. Salad, for some reason, is super interesting. Of all the things students want to make or eat together, salad is usually one of those things. I've always been reluctant because they hardly ever eat raw veggies and that is pretty much all a salad is. But I decided to go for it with Jessica.

Long story short, she liked the salad and the chicken and broccoli rice I made. We chit chatted about politics and medical expenses and sporting scandals. She was going to study the Bible with a friend of mine, but then she asked if I had time to study with her. I said, "Of course!" So we set up a day and time.

The reason I love communication and the reason for this post is this:

This is what I heard next:
"Will you give me some sex?"

I almost burst into laughter. But I KNEW that could not possibly be what she really said. So, my mind began to filter through the possibilities...

sex...
six...
snakes...
SNACKS!!!

This is what she said:
"Will you give me some snacks?"

I agreed to bring some snacks to our meetings and chuckled to myself.

Thank you Asia and thank you brain.

First Day of School

School is wonderful. Sometimes during the semester I think, "Is this my life? Semester after semester...Over and over again...?" And I doubt what I am doing. I doubt why I am here and where I am. I remember my desire to be famous or important and have some sort of status in the world. I want to leave my mark. I want to be known in the world.

But then I remember my call to be minial. To be normal. To be regular. My call to a mundane and repeitious life. When you first read that, it might seem bothersome or sad. But I see the beauty in it. Dying to myself and my own selfish desires for something higher.

Who says I can't have an impact as a teacher? Who says I can't have influence? Who says I can't be used in the smallest of ways? Who says what I do is insignificant? Who says what I do is small and useless? Well, the Lord stomps out those lies.

Monday Classes from michelle on Vimeo.

Olympic Day (Part 2)

If you have not read Olympic Day Part 1, you should go and read it now.


Olympic Day Part One

There is a large square in my city. I don’t know if these things actually exist in America. It’s a large flat area where people can go hang out. Sometimes there are dances, performances, movies, celebrations, lots of people. It’s a free-to-use-space for anyone. It’s fun to go to. This particular night was a the Olympic Celebration. The city wanted to encourage people to be healthy and remember the Olympic Games from 2008. So, there was a performance from different sports.

As my friend, Summer and I were waiting for it to begin, we went to say hi to her friend. When we found the Latin dance “team,” I found out I had two friends of my own who were in the performance. They were quite excited to see me there. Then all of the sudden, there was a woman shouting at me to come to her. Quickly! So, I ran over there and Summer told me we were supposed to wear these sporty shirts and represent the ping pong group. But I told her, I can’t play well and I didn’t want to perform. Summer said she didn’t think we actually had to perform; it was all just for appearance purposes. So, I agreed to it, but I was still a little nervous that I was being lied to.

The show began. There was a TV station there and there were some boring speeches. But THEN everyone stood up and my friend told me we had to take an oath. Of course, just for appearances. I became really nervous. I didn’t want to take an oath. I didn’t even know what was being said. Summer said it was something about promising to be healthy and encourage others and help the city, blah, blah, blah. However, I refused to raise my hand or repeat the words.

After the Latin dance, Summer and I decided to do a little walking. We mostly talked about nothing. But I moved the conversation to spiritual things. She said she wants to read the Bible sometime together. And she said she’s interested, but so busy right now. She is studying for a bunch of tests. But she is confused about Christianity. She thinks it’s all based on what you do and don’t do, how much good you put in the world. That is one of the most frustrating things to hear from someone. She then told me about a “Christian” she met in another city. She smokes and drinks which other than doing those things in EXCESS and UNRESPONSIBLY, I don’t really have a problem with. But then Summer told me about the girl’s other activities with boys and saddened my heart to know she was tarnishing the name of my Lord and God. To ruin His reputation is one of the worst things she could do.

creativity in my QT

This is God.






















This is me.

Leaves

Leaves is one of my most extraordinary students. He's opinionated and likes to share those opinions. He energetic and movie savy. He's taller than the average Asian and toothpick skinny.

At the beginning of the year, he openly rejected and criticized my belief and devotion to God. I wasn't surprised and tried my best to not take it personally. He thought the whole idea of a divine, all-knowing, all-powerful Creator was "stupid and unbelieveable." But when my students say something is unbelieveable, they don't mean awesome or amazing, but impossible or not realistic.

He challenged me in the Bible class I taught. He openly questioned me in Oral English class when talking about Christmas or Easter. But over the semester, his questions became more curious and softer. They were no longer threatening or trying to de-bunk my beliefs.

One eventful class, Leaves actually publicly humiliated me. He yelled at me and said that he nor the class needed me. Unfortunately, in my own anger and annoyance, I yelled back and told him not to come to class, if he didn't like the way I taught. A week later, I asked to talk to him outside for a moment. Before I could apologize for losing my temper, he asked if he could say something. He apologized for what he said and did. He then told me he lost his temper with me because of what his instructor did. I told him I forgave him and it was all okay. I told him I was sorry for losing my temper and yelling at him. I also reminded him I am more than willing to help him in any way and he can always talk to me.

The more time passed, the softer his heart got.

Some friends came to visit and I knew it would be a really good chance for him to hear some stuff from a guy's perspective. And he did. Some of my friends got to share with him a lot. The day before my friends left, he decided to believe in God. It was all quite beautiful.

Today, was his Oral English final. He was in a group with three girls. But before we started he asked if he could say something. He first was super grateful for being allowed to meet my friends. He then apologized for ridiculing me about my beliefs. He also he said he learned a lot about his lack of religious freedom.

I let him know I forgave him and was grateful that he could spend time with my friends.

I'm not sure I expressed the joy of my heart in all this. But it has been a beautiful journey of friendship and forgiveness along with a revelation of God the Creator.

what a sweet sunday?

I'm not a morning person at all. But when it comes to my students, I'll do just about anything for them. So, when Kathy asked to meet me at 9 this past Sunday morning, I agreed. She's a sweet girl. She is one of my students more interested in stories about Christmas and Easter than the typical student. On several occasions she has told me she believes in God. But what does that mean?

I've always encouraged her to call me and we could meet and talk because I can't just talk freely about that in my classroom. As we began to talk, she asked all the perfect questions.

"When did you believe in God?"
"How long did it take you to believe?"
"What are the qualifications for someone who believes?"

I told her my story in short and explained she couldn't just rely on a good feeling to believe because our hearts change, even though God doesn't. And I gave her a quick explanation about what a person should believe if they truly believe. She asked how I know what God wants me to do. We talked about boys and marriage. We talked about the purpose and goal of life. We talked about dreams and ambitions. We ended up talking for 2 deliciously, heart-fulfilling hours.

In the end, we decided to study together every Saturday morning. I think she might genuinely believe, but doesn't know exactly what she believes. I think she understands the very basics, but I want to teach her how to read her Bible and understand it. I'm very excited about it all.

refining moment

The end result is usually good. Right? Like after a good, hard workout, I feel rejuvenated and healthy. Or that clean feeling after a shower or brushing your teeth. Or a sigh of relief after tidying up my room. Finishing something, even in the smallest degree, usually gives me a good feeling. But getting to that end point can be messy or uncomfortable sometimes. Maybe not when cleaning my room, but in reference God refining me. And I'm in a season of refining. When it starts, it mostly catches me by surprise. But then I acknowledge the upcoming changes and welcome the cleansing and changes that God wants to make. But the refining exhausts me and isn't always pleasant. And I know and trust that the changes will be good in the end. They are supposed to grow me in my Christ-likeness. But it's hard to see the end to this time of refinement. I want to be at the end. I feel like I'm at the love-hate moment. When I love it because I know the end is good. But I hate it because it's messy and unpleasant. But as I get closer to the end, it will get better.

But thinking about what God tells Jeremiah about refinement, I should expect it to be hard. Refining involves going through fire. Burning out impurities. Which is exactly what my soul is going through.

Okay, well, that is my mind garble.

24 hours of Joshua

Recently, I wanted to do something a little wacky. I got this idea. There are 24 chapters in the book of Joshua. There are 24 hours in a day. The reason I looked at Joshua is because I'm about to finish the book of Deuteronomy. Anyways, I decided that I would read a chapter each hour for 24 hours, starting at midnight on February 18th. Now, you might be thinking, "But she has to stay up 24 hours?" Which at first, I didn't mind or think it was a big deal to sacrifice a night of sleep.

However, at 5 am I was reading and not retaining anything or understand it. So, from 530 am to 10 am I slept. From 11 am to 2 pm I caught up on the missing chapters. So, at every hour I read a chapter.

Some things I learned/remind of:

Family is important.
Love and duty go hand-in-hand.
Obedience is a command.
Sin is always brought to the light.
Sin does not only have consequences for the sinner, but for the people around them.
Consulting/Inquiring of the Lord is essential.
The Lord provides rest.
The Lord's promises are always fulfilled.
The Lord is true to what He says; whether it's promising rewards or punishment/consequences.
Every person has a choice to make; to follow or not follow.

Dawn's Birthday

This past Friday was Dawn's birthday. I was really excited! I had so many things I wanted to give her. I had this giant stuffed catepillar from the Arcade Halloween that I wasn't using. So, I wrapped it up and gave it to her. She tried peanut butter for the first time this summer and really loved it. But it's kind of expensive, so I bought her a jar. Then I bought her a journal to keep notes about what we study when we read the Word together.

She invited me to lunch with her. I was really excited to spend time with her. She ordered some food for us and when the food arrived, she asked if she could pray and bless the food for the first time because it was her birthday! How could I refuse such a beautiful request? What she said was simple and sweet. She thanked God for our friendship, her family, life and her boyfriend of course. As we ate, we talked about birthday memories and traditions. It was a sweet time. I'm so blessed to be her friend.