Brea

Our meeting started as usual. We got right to work. Or I did. This is our thing: I make some baked good. She videos me and asks questions. Then we wait. I make coffee. And we eat the baked good. Then it gets to the good stuff. We talk about God, Christianity, beliefs, philosophy, boys, life, friends, etc.

This Saturday wasn’t any different. Or at first glance, anyway. We, as in I, made the cheesecake and since I was out of coffee beans, she brought coffee for us. 

Then the conversation began. But let's back up. June 2014 she had told me she had made a decision to become a follower of Baha’i. I have to admit, I don’t know the ins and outs of Baha’i, but what I do know doesn’t make sense. Since June, I was under the impression that things were pretty set in stone and I wasn’t sure how much I was going to invest in her. But a recent discussion in my Bible class made her feel insecure about our friendship. A student had asked me what I thought about Baha’i. I made sure to preface what I said with, “This is just my opinion.” I went on to say how ridiculous it all seems. Baha’i says all beliefs lead to the same god. How can one, two or even three different beliefs being saying the same thing? A lot of belief are based on works; doing good things, being a good person. But Christianity’s base is in faith. It’s not what we do, but what Jesus has done for us. He’s sacrificed his perfect body, mind and soul for us. We deserve punishment and banishment from God, but he took that for us. We are therefore exempt. 

As we began to talk, she revealed she was still searching. She feels lost and frustrated. She doesn’t want to be in the middle. She wants to make a choice. But she wants to make the right choice.

Heaven and Hell.

Christianity is clear. Those who believe in Jesus and follow Him are going to be with Him forever in Heaven. Those who don’t are going to a Lake of Fire, aka. Hell.

Baha’i has a more fluid belief about eternity. There is no hell. The more developed your virtues (honesty, kindness, etc.) are the closer you are to God. The less developed your virtues are the further away from God you are. The more developed you are, the more complete your spiritual body will be. I posed the question, “So, there is no punishment for people?” Her response was, “Being far from God is a punishment. It’s like Hell.”
Me - “But people that don’t care about God and virtues, don’t care if they are close or far from God. So, there is or isn't a Hell?”
Brea - “It’s like Hell, but God is sad if the people are not close to him.”
Me - “But if the people don’t care, it doesn’t matter if they are close or far away from God.”
Brea - "But it will make God sad."
Me - "But they don't care if God is sad."

Virtues/Good Works vs. Faith in Jesus and what He has done

Of course we had to hit this topic. She insisted that developing kindness and honesty and other good character qualities was not self-centered. She said developing those virtues was actually focused on God. I told her it sounded like Baha’i was centered on self-development.

But Christianity was centered on what Jesus had done for people. His sacrifice compels people to show him honor, praise and please Him. But ultimately, what we do is “filthy rags” to Him.

She reiterated that the development of virtues is about God. I asked how.
Brea - “Because we want to become better people. So, then we can deserve God.”
Me - “See that is a huge difference in Christianity. We deserve death because of our sin. Baha’i doesn’t say anything about being enemies with God. It doesn’t say that people have disobeyed Him. We don't deserve to live. We deserve death. But God is gracious. He erases our sin, if we believe in Jesus’ sacrifice for us.”

Different messengers with one message from one god

Baha’i says that different “deities” or religious leaders (Muhammed, Jesus, Buddha, etc.) have the same message to share and are different messengers sent for one god. I started with the statement that all those different leaders had different messages. Muhammad said you had to follow the pillars of faith. Hinduism says try and try again until you reach the highest level of enlightenment. Jesus says I love you and I want to take your punishment for you so that you can live. None of those are the same message.

Brea - “But the essence is the same.”
Me - “What essence? They all have a message, but all their messages are different. They can’t all be real or true.”
Brea - “God is the essence of all those messengers.”
Me - “Then why does the message change? In Christianity, God is the same. God is constant. He is faithful. He is loyal. He doesn’t change. People do. He sent many messengers, prophets. They all said the same thing. The Bible is consistent. But different religions have different messages. That's why they aren’t the same.”

Boundaries and Margin

A couple weeks ago, I went to Thailand and met and re-connected with some incredible people. I was encouraged, challenged, refined, humbled and loved. Deeply. We are often so busy doing our own work, we rarely remember each other or make time to catch up. Or at least, that’s the case for me. Out of sight, out of mind. One of the lessons I took away from Thailand was about boundaries and margin.

Spring 2014 was grueling. It was wonderful. But grueling. I was challenged in ways I didn’t know needed stretching. Father brushed away some cobwebs and dusted the crannies of forgotten parts of my heart. Well, parts I had forgotten about, not that He had. 

I can honestly say and see that I was on the verge of “burnout.” I didn’t realize it at the time. I just felt tired, empty, useless and ineffective. While in Thailand, I learned that was a symptom of a life without boundaries and margin.

Boundaries: a limit, imaginary line or unofficial rule of what can and cannot be done. Acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. 

Margin: a reserve, extra time, money, supplies or space used in a the time of need for you or others. (You should have a DAILY reserve. A little extra time every day for you.)

See the difference in boundaries and margin? I didn’t at first. Boundaries are guidelines for your personal life and work life. What are you willing to do and not do? How much can you invest in something or someone? Margin is extra time/money/space for extra stuff that might come up. Is your schedule so full that you don’t have breaks? Do you have free time? Are you always running from one thing to another?

Don’t forget to communicate these boundaries and margins. You should be able to say “no” to things/people in love. When you have decided to cut something out, stick with that decision. But say “no” with love. Hopefully, this will also help you say “yes” in confidence. You will know you have extra time, money or space to help an out an unexpected friend. Or if something fun comes up, you have the ability to say “yes” with out having to cancel something else or move things around. Do not suffer from the “Disease to Please.”

Consequences of no boundaries/margin

1. Burnout
2. Stress-related disease
3. Relationship problems
4. Lack of productiveness
5. Lower quality of life, work and overall satisfaction
6. Eventually results in a chaotic life
7. Potentially career-ending

Rewards of boundaries/margin

1. At your personal potential
2. Have reserves to help people
3. Healthier relationships
4. Good example to others
5. Sustainable life and work/ministry

So, now you see the benefits and dangers of boundaries and margin. How do you make it happen? Here’s how! Make 3 lists. List EVERYTHING that takes up your time, all things that keep you busy.

God-given Obligations

These things are nonnegotiable.

Things might include; a quiet time, a Sabbath, worship, exercise, sleep, ministry, work, etc.

If this list is bigger than all the others, something is wrong. Maybe you are carrying a burden that’s not yours to carry. Maybe it’s time to ask for help. Maybe you need to delegate some things.

Expectations

These things are negotiable.

There are expectations others may have for you; going to dinner, hanging out, babysitting, work parties, event planning, etc.

There are expectations you have for yourself; meeting with a certain number of people a week, following-up on certain relationships, planning, weight loss goals, etc.

Are these things realistic? Are these things binding? Are these things worth your time and effort? Can you really do those things?

Some things might have to be cut out. That’s why they are negotiable!

Bucket List

Things you hope to do this month, this year, the next 5 years!

It’s always good to have dreams and ambitions.

This can be fun stuff; travel, learning a language, learning how to play an instrument, etc.

Okay, now you have lists and categories and you’re organized. What’s next? Planning!!!

Print off some calendars; daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.

Do what works for you! If you are good with a weekly plan, do that. If you are a little more detailed, do it daily-style. If you know you want to take a vacation in January, put it in there. Don’t allow yourself to change that. Stick to it! Vacations are ok. If you want to work out every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, put it on there. And do it. This is all Part One of the process. Part Two is execution. I haven’t gotten there yet. But I’m a go-getter, so I feel confident I’ll do it.

Nana, the Turtle

I went to visit a friend in another city this past week. It was a lot of fun. She has a great big apartment. I was a little jealous. But that isn't what I want to write about. It was a really joyous time. I loved getting to hear about her heart and share my own with her. It was really great to hear about the lessons she's learned here and what she hopes to take back with her. I felt like we talked about EVERYTHING. Like every possible topic. And even though I'm an introvert, I process externally. She just inspired me and refreshed me. I felt so encouraged through our time together. We found out we both had done the same summer program. And I think she went to school with the brother of another friend here. We talked about boys, decisions and guidance about the future, doubts and new found trust, friends, family, going home, language study, teaching, people we meet with, peace, praises, culture things, and crazy Asian things. Things we love and things not at the top of the love list. I think it's really rare that you meet a person and connect so quickly with them. It will be really fun/great to see her again in May. She also introduced me to some local noodles which were out of this world. SO GOOD. We also stopped by her favorite coffee shop. I loved it. It was fun to be shown her city by her. I'm kind of a mug collector and she helped me find one. It was just a really good time. Around 5 it was time for me to head home. It was refreshing and fun to travel alone on the way home. Some people might be leary of it. But I kind of like it. And I just feel proud and comfortable that I knew exactly where I was going and how to get there. The video has photos of her apartment, mine, noodles, the coffee shop, a local toilet (just in case you've never seen one), the bus, and a prank that was pulled on me. My national friends have always tried to punk me and others before. But they don't really know how. One idea they had come up with was putting a bag over someone's head. I think they just didn't know what to do, or where to draw the line. I think they had a little help this time. I got home around 1030. My apartment was kind of a mess. So, I cleaned stuff up and unpacked. Then I was getting ready for bed and noticed a note and a funny bag with pellets. I skimmed the note and then held my breath. I thought they had put something terrible in my bed. I throw back the blankets and...nothing. I read the note again. "...share the bathroom." Oh no!!! I go to the bathroom and expect a fish in my toilet. Nope. A turtle in my shower. Hahahahaha! I couldn't believe it. I thought it was dead at first. But it was very much alive. So, I called my crazy friends and congratulated them on punking me. All in all, this past holiday break was good.

Need Directions?

What a wonderful language day today!!! It's fun to practice most of the time. But sometimes I just don't know how to use new words in every day conversations. Or sometimes, words I learn aren't really words for conversations with shopkeepers or taxi drivers.

Anyway, I tutor a boy and girl Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. On my way to their house, my taxi driver asked me the typical questions; how long have you been here? what do you teach? where are you going? how old are you? I politely asked him: do you have kids? how old are you? what's your name?

Then he asked some other questions and told me about his kids. I could actually answer and understand him. BUT that is not the great part...

My tutees live on a side street. So, as I approached a bigger street to hail down a taxi, a giant semi-truck pulled over in front of me. The passenger got out and walked towards me. At first, I couldn't hear him or understand him. But as he approached he said, "Ooooh," realizing I was not Asian.

Now, keep in mind the following conversation took place in this countries language.


Me: I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry.
Man: Do you know where BuBuGao is?
Me: Uhhh...?
Man: BuBuGao. The supermarket. Do you know where it is?
Me: Oh! Do you know YY Tower? Do you know where YY Tower is?
Man: Yes. I know. I know.
Me: It's near YY Tower.
Man: I understand. Okay.
Me: Okay.
Man: Thank you. (Then in English - "Shank you.")


He hops back in his truck and drives away.

And I am a happy duck. I gave someone directions in the third language I kind of know. And he understood me. I also felt very Asian, in the sense of helping a complete stranger.

What a good day~!