Mandy

This story is from a couple weeks ago with my Sunday afternoon Bible study with Mandy and Sherry. Mandy is on the left and Sherry is on the right.

Sherry asked the question "What do Christians think about luck?"

I said Christians don't believe in luck. Or they shouldn't. They believe everything is God's plan. Whether it is good or bad. Some people might say that Bryant and I meeting was lucky; being in the right place at the right time. But I believe it was God's plan that we should meet each other.

Then Mandy asked if she could share a personal story. I said of course.

But before I tell you a story she told I should give you a little background. There are more than 55 people groups in China. Meaning they're all Chinese, but there of a different ethnic backgrounds. Their language, culture, customs festivals, and traditions all differ a little bit. There are two groups that seemingly always are having conflict. Xinjiang people and Han people. Xinjiang people are closer to Muslim culture than Chinese culture. Han Chinese people are the majority in China.

On to Mandy. She told us about how she was traveling to another city with her father. They were in the train station. Literally the next day there was a riot where Xinjiang people killed many Han. In that exact same train station at the exact same place that her and her father where the previous day. She also told Sherry and I that every time she travels she prays that Father would keep her safe. She went on to explain and express that she doesn't think it's just luck that they weren't killed. She doesn't think it's just luck that they were there the day before not the day of this riot. She is sure and confident that that was the Lord's providence that they were kept safe.

It is always fun and such a tremendous joy to see fellow sisters share their own life experiences with non-believers!

Keep praying for Sherry. When I asked her this week, "If there is a scale of 1 to 10. One is you don't believe there is a god. And Jesus wasn't real. Ten is you believe fully in the Bible. Where are you?"

She said, "Five. I think I am a five. I don't know what I think yet."

Venus, a stellar person, not planet

This post is a little late. But I have to "finish" the story. In tears.

Venus. Oh goodness, do I love that girl! Hence the tears. She is someone I will forever keep in contact with. And forever remember.

She's spunky, opinionated, cute, gutsy, crazy, kind, deep, thoughtful, stubborn, loving, loud and much much more.

Our last meeting was in June. She came over to my apartment for one last chat. I have always enjoyed talking to her.  The variety and depth or our conversations over the past 3 years is quite amazing. We never seem to run out of things to say. The topics of our last chat were Kevin, sex and dating in grad school.

Kevin. If you don't know who Kevin is, you should check out this post or this post. She had finally broke it off with Kevin, who was her lesbian girlfriend for the past 2 and a half years. She had debated for a while about when to do it, next term or this summer. She thought a slower break (over a couple of months) would be easier to accept. But they had a calm, collected conversation and "mutually" decided it was time to end their relationship. She wasn't broken up about it at all. She was revealed to be finished with it. She had become irritated and annoyed with Kevin's immaturity level and neediness and carelessness and lack of dependability. I told her some of that was Kevin's age and some of that was expectations that couldn't be met in another person. She was looking for love, stability, and fulfillment in a person. That was only going to lead her to heartache and disappointment. I reminded her I believed what she was looking for could only be found in God. Even if she found a man she thought was perfect, he was going to fail her, disappoint her, or anger her at some point in time. That ache/desire in her heart was only going to be fulfilled through God. She heard it all before and listened and understood. But ultimately, said she thought she could still have a good and happy marriage with out God or belief.

Dating. She had so many questions for me. What would I do and not do with my boyfriend, physically. What kind of things would we talk about. Just to clarify, my students all know I had a boyfriend in high school and college. I've shared various stories with them. Some of her questions were hypotheticals. Let me go on a tangent for a moment. Another thing to note is the maturity of level of college students in China. I may have said this before, but they are considerably less mature than the average American student. They don't usually pay for their tuition, food, cellphone bill, dorm fees, etc. They rely primarily on their parents. Some might rely on them less, but over all that isn't the case. Some might have a part time job. But most of them don't. Their parents believe they should focus on school.  SO, when I talk about boys and dating and sex, they get all sorts of giggly. They snicker and can't seem to help but cover their mouth in shock and awe of what I say. Venus, isn't that way. So, I shared some of the naive physical boundaries my boyfriend of the past and I had. She was intrigued. She said, "How can you stick to them so strictly, Nila?" I laughed. I said, "Sometimes, it wasn't easy. And, to be honest, most of the time, I had to say 'Stop' or 'That isn't ok.' I think men and women see and feel physical things very differently." I also told her said boyfriend and I were friends for about a year before we dated and we dated for about a 1 year and a half to 2 years. She was really surprised. It's not uncommon for Chinese to date 4-5 years before tying the knot. She said most people that date that long will stay together. I told her I stayed with him too long. I should have broken up earlier. About a year after dating, I was sure I wasn't going to marry him. Even after time and growth, it just wasn't going to work out. I encouraged her to know what she is willing to accept and what she's not. And if she needs to change those expectations from time to time, it's okay. But if she really can't accept smoking or lack of independence from family, then she should wait. Of course, it's "easy" for me to say all this. I'm American. There's "little to no pressure" for me to get married or have kids. But Asian families and parents are very opinionated and put a lot of pressure on their youngsters. She said she doesn't mind waiting, but she's not sure how her family will accept that idea. But she was very excited to see and meet new people in grad school. And possibly find the love of her life! There were endless opportunities in grad school.

Sex. Hahaha! I honestly can't remember how we came to this topic, but we did. I think I asked her what she would do if her boyfriend was pressuring her to have sex. I have heard this from so many young Chinese girls. They don't want to have sex. But they fear their boyfriends will leave them and find someone else. Which may very well be true. She said, very confidently, "I will never have sex with my boyfriend. I don't think it's ok. Girls should protect themselves. They should have confidence. And if my boyfriend tries to pressure me, I will say no. And if her continues for a long time, I don't need him. Maybe he's not right for me." Bravo! I love her tenacity. She expressed her thoughts about how sex is very intimate and special. She does not want to do it with everyone. She would like to wait to get married. I felt happy for her. To be so sure and so secure in her convictions. I wonder, if she will feel the same when/if the situation arises.


I hope to go visit her at some point. She is studying in a place that is called "Spring City" in Chinese. I've been there before and it has wonderful weather and lots of foreign goods. I suppose I could make some time to go ;)

Whole30 rocked my world...

Oh yes. I have followed the trend. If you don't even know what Whole30 is, just goes to show how much cooler I am than you ;) 

But seriously, I don't want to be dramatic. However, Whole30 has kind of changed my life. I'll first tell you the Purpose...

It's like the healthiest, most intense detox of your life!!! It's meant to boost your energy levels, give you more regular bowels, up your metabolism, boost your immune system, eliminate certain conditions or aches. The food we eat has more of an effect on us than we know or can to admit. Stripping certain foods from your diet for 30 days can have wonderful health and psychological benefits.

The Rules...

• No sugar of any kind: raw, organic, artificial, etc.
• No dairy: no raw milk, goat milk, soy milk, cheese, butter, yogurt, etc.
• No legumes: no beans of any kind, black, kidney, white, pinto, lima, peanuts, etc.
• No alcohol or tobacco.
• No grains: wheat, barley, oat, corn, rice, etc. This also includes quinoa and couscous, the pseudo-grains.
• No white, red, purple or gold potatoes. In any form.
• No carrageenan, MSG or sulfites. It's really important to check the labels of things you are buying or going to cook with.
• No paleo-ifying baked goods, desserts or snacks. You are trying to break those habits of snacking unnecessarily and eating "junk food." For the next 30 days, don't try to replicate food you miss. Just eat good, real, wholesome food.

My Whole30
I'm going to do my best to put it all into one paragraph. In the beginning, I honestly thought I was going to fall asleep at the wheel. Well, hypothetically. I live in China, so I don't do much driving. Okay, I do NO driving. But if I was behind a wheel, I think I would have fallen asleep during the first week. Depriving my body of sugar was the hardest part. I mean, I didn't gorge myself on it before, but my morning coffee always had sugar and milk. Which leads to my second challenge. COFFEE. I thought I wasn't going to make it! I was sure I was going to give up coffee altogether before the 30 days was up. But other than that I had fun cooking and trying to create new dishes with what seemed limited ingredients and spices.

Okay, I can't do one paragraph. It's going to be more like four. Week Two. I was feeling it!!! They call it Tiger Blood. I was SO energized. I was sleeping better, more fully and deeper. I was guzzling black coffee. My bowels were better than they have ever been. If you know me, I've never had good bowels. I'm almost always constipated and I usually have to drink a special tea to get things going. TMI? Get over it. I was even feeling lighter. And I was past the icky bloated stage, so that was nice too.

Week Three. Not much to say. Things were still going well. I was getting a little frustrating/bored with food. I was having a hard time feeling like I wasn't eating the same thing over and over again. And I was craving sweets and breads more than ever. But I didn't give in!

Week Four Plus 2 days. At first half of the last week, I had this anxious, can't wait to be done feeling. All I wanted to do is eat chocolate and pumpkin bread and banana bread, ANY bread! But I didn't give in or entertain those thoughts too much because I knew I was almost done. The second half was full of ideas and thoughts. How was I going to go on after Whole30? What habits did I want to continue? Was I going to allow sugar again? How can I be healthy about the amount of breads and grains I eat? Why did I EVER taint my coffee with sugar and milk before?! I'm trying to figure it all out.

Cons/Hard Stuff

1. Don't let my optimism fool you. It was tough to stick to. And I did mess up a couple times because I was a little absent-minded. But I'm not a die-hard Whole30ist, so I didn't start over at day 1 when I did.
2. I was super tired the first week-ish.
3. There was one day around day 9 or 10 that I had really bad stomach cramps. Like fetal position style.
4. After a while, it got hard to be creative with food.
5. Living in China, it was tough not having some things that could be easily purchased in America. Like seasonings or sauces other Whole30ists used.
6. At first, cooking/prepping/planning was a hassle!! What a time consumer.
7. I had trouble with breakfast. I'm not a breakfast eater. So, that was tough to do.
8. I also had trouble with the portion sizes. It felt like SOOO MUCH food sometimes.
9. Always having to cook at home. China is a social-eating society.
10. Having to go to the grocery store more often.
11. I missed yogurt a lot!

Pros/Things I've learned

1. I feel like my tastebuds have been enhanced.
2. I have more energy.
3. Better bowels and movements.
4. Sleep has improved. I fall asleep faster and longer and deeper.
5. I lost about 12 lbs/5.5 kg. Arms, legs, tummy overall skinner.
6. For the most part, I've broken my nasty snacking habit. AND if I ABSOLUTELY have to have a snack, I make it a healthy one; fruits, nuts, etc.
7. My close fit better.
8. I feel healthier and lighter.
9. I know I can live without sweets, sugar, breads and other things I thought I couldn't do with out.
10. I LOVE BLACK COFFEE.
11. My mouth salivates when I think about wholesome, all natural, unprocessed food.
12. I don't crave bad foods or junk food.
13. Having a healthier relationship with carbs. And food in general.
14. Enjoying cooking again and getting better at it. Or at least I think so.
15. Connecting with my body. That sounds so "spiritual" and "hippie." But I mean, I know when I'm truly hungry and when I'm not. And making a wise decision accordingly.
16. I have a good sense of how different foods effect my mood, body and energy levels.
17. Starbucks will be a special treat. I won't over do it.

Here's the site. Check out Whole30 and decide if it's something you want to try.

Hahahaha, and please ignore my face in the photos above.

Love hurts...

Do you know that song, "Love hurts! Love blah!" Ok, well, I can't remember the rest, but I think it true in the Christ-sense.

I find myself crying over my students. They have never hit me, throw things at me, or called me names. Ok, on occasion I have heard them say I'm factor my clothes are weird. But I can handle that. My love for them goes deeper than any other love of this world and lasts longer than any other thing man has made. That includes Twinkies.

But we I feel afflicted over my love for them, I remember Christ. How he loved. How he loves now. How he continued to love in and after opposition. How he loved when that love was not returned. How he loved enduring more persecution or resistance than I have ever experienced.

My difficulties and tribulations in loving my students are nothing compared to what he experiences in loving lowly humans. I was never flogged, beaten or nailed to a cross. So, I continue in love...even if it hurts.

Nana, the Turtle

I went to visit a friend in another city this past week. It was a lot of fun. She has a great big apartment. I was a little jealous. But that isn't what I want to write about. It was a really joyous time. I loved getting to hear about her heart and share my own with her. It was really great to hear about the lessons she's learned here and what she hopes to take back with her. I felt like we talked about EVERYTHING. Like every possible topic. And even though I'm an introvert, I process externally. She just inspired me and refreshed me. I felt so encouraged through our time together. We found out we both had done the same summer program. And I think she went to school with the brother of another friend here. We talked about boys, decisions and guidance about the future, doubts and new found trust, friends, family, going home, language study, teaching, people we meet with, peace, praises, culture things, and crazy Asian things. Things we love and things not at the top of the love list. I think it's really rare that you meet a person and connect so quickly with them. It will be really fun/great to see her again in May. She also introduced me to some local noodles which were out of this world. SO GOOD. We also stopped by her favorite coffee shop. I loved it. It was fun to be shown her city by her. I'm kind of a mug collector and she helped me find one. It was just a really good time. Around 5 it was time for me to head home. It was refreshing and fun to travel alone on the way home. Some people might be leary of it. But I kind of like it. And I just feel proud and comfortable that I knew exactly where I was going and how to get there. The video has photos of her apartment, mine, noodles, the coffee shop, a local toilet (just in case you've never seen one), the bus, and a prank that was pulled on me. My national friends have always tried to punk me and others before. But they don't really know how. One idea they had come up with was putting a bag over someone's head. I think they just didn't know what to do, or where to draw the line. I think they had a little help this time. I got home around 1030. My apartment was kind of a mess. So, I cleaned stuff up and unpacked. Then I was getting ready for bed and noticed a note and a funny bag with pellets. I skimmed the note and then held my breath. I thought they had put something terrible in my bed. I throw back the blankets and...nothing. I read the note again. "...share the bathroom." Oh no!!! I go to the bathroom and expect a fish in my toilet. Nope. A turtle in my shower. Hahahahaha! I couldn't believe it. I thought it was dead at first. But it was very much alive. So, I called my crazy friends and congratulated them on punking me. All in all, this past holiday break was good.

Why don't they understand me?

I promised some language flubs. So, here they are.
Despite my ridiculous mistakes from time to time, my friends are so encouraging and helpful. Giving me great praise and challenging me. And my mistakes always seem suitable for a little laughter.


What I wanted to say: Can I tell you a secret?

What I said: Can I tell you a password?

What I wanted to say: At that place, I need to pick up my friend.

What I said: At that place, I need to grab my friend. (The word grab is only used as in grabbing with your hands, like grasping. My friends got a real kick out of that one.)

What I wanted to say: And you?!

What I said: Nila! (The words for "and you?/what about you?" sound really similar to my last name. My friends thought I was just shouting my name.)

What I wanted to say: When you were little, did you do that?

What I said: When you were grown up, did you do that? I'm never quite sure where to put the suffix to change something.

What I wanted to say: When you are scared, you can come to my house.

What I said: When you are scary, you can come to my house. I couldn't help but laughing at myself.

Heart Language

My language tutor is Annia. She is just a ball of fun. She teases me constantly when we study together. Or really she teaches me. She always askes,

"Are you sure?"

in such a doubtful way, I used to think I was always wrong. Now, I know she is just a punk and wants me to be confident when I speak. Or she'll say something like,

"How many times have I told you?"

Anyway, today in class we were comparing things. The grammar is more complicated, but she is really good about being patient with me and dumbing it down for me.

First Sentence:
This book compared with that book is more expensive.

Second Sentence:
Green peppers compared with red peppers are more spicy.

Third Sentence:
This bed compared with that bed is more soft.

She was really impressed that I remembered the measure word for bed. And the word for bed. AND the word soft. AND that I could put it all together.

This was her response after the third sentence:

Wow! Great job! That is so wonderful. You have so many words in your heart.

Learning language isn't just about being able to speak or communicate. It's about knowing the heart of the people. From any place, not just Asia. Language is in the heart. Not the mouth or mind. It was a good reminder and encouragement today. I learn to know and love these people.

Stay tuned for language flubs. I have a couple good stories to share.

Love and Lies

Love

This week in class we discussed Love Languages. If you haven't heard of these before, I'll fill you in real quick. Some guy wrote this book about how people show and feel love through different things...

Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation


Most students say they SHOW love with Acts of Service. Which I'm not entirely surprised. This culture tends to be more indirect than direct. But I would have thought Physical Touch would be high on the list. But it's not.

However, a surprising number said that they FEEL loved with Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. They thought Gifts are too materialistic and Acts of Service is more spiritual.

There was also a consensus that Gifts are the least important to everyone.

...and Lies

If the teacher was not looking, would you give the answer to a test to your friend?

Yes, they need my help. And I don't think it's cheating. I should help them.

Cheating is subjective. Or if they don't know, it's not cheating.

If 10 people were beating up 1 person, what would you do?

Call the police.
I don't think this would happen.
I should take care for my own safety first. I'm not strong enough to stop them all.

I must think about me first. Our world is good. It's not my responsibility to stop bad things from happening.

If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

I would give everyone money.
I would make sure everyone has food.

The things of this world are more important. Physical need comes before spiritual need.

If you were God and had a message for your people or wanted to tell them about you, how would you do it?

I wouldn't do anything.
I would send some angels.
I would make them believe me.
I would use the media, like the internet, TV to tell them.

God is distant. God is a tyrant. God doesn't care. God is limited.

what a sweet sunday?

I'm not a morning person at all. But when it comes to my students, I'll do just about anything for them. So, when Kathy asked to meet me at 9 this past Sunday morning, I agreed. She's a sweet girl. She is one of my students more interested in stories about Christmas and Easter than the typical student. On several occasions she has told me she believes in God. But what does that mean?

I've always encouraged her to call me and we could meet and talk because I can't just talk freely about that in my classroom. As we began to talk, she asked all the perfect questions.

"When did you believe in God?"
"How long did it take you to believe?"
"What are the qualifications for someone who believes?"

I told her my story in short and explained she couldn't just rely on a good feeling to believe because our hearts change, even though God doesn't. And I gave her a quick explanation about what a person should believe if they truly believe. She asked how I know what God wants me to do. We talked about boys and marriage. We talked about the purpose and goal of life. We talked about dreams and ambitions. We ended up talking for 2 deliciously, heart-fulfilling hours.

In the end, we decided to study together every Saturday morning. I think she might genuinely believe, but doesn't know exactly what she believes. I think she understands the very basics, but I want to teach her how to read her Bible and understand it. I'm very excited about it all.

Learning. . .part 2

If you have not read Teaching...part 1, then go do that before you read this post.

One week later.

My roommate Jessica, gave me a little pep talk and helped me sort things out before class the next day. I was planning on talking to the student in private about his actions. The student I'm referring to is to the one that yelled at me. I was hoping for the best case, but also prepared for the worst case. I was going to ask him if there was anything wrong. Then apologize for losing my temper. But there has to be punishment. I was planning on making him give a speech about respecting authority. Here's what happened.

I'm waiting for class almost to begin. I ask to talk to him out in the hall. He starts out by saying he is glad I asked him to talk because he wanted to talk too. I let him talk first. He SINCERELY apologizes for yelling at me and talking to me the way he did. He was having a bad day and the teacher from the class that he has before mine made him very angry. The teacher is supposed to help them study for a big test, but instead told them to study on their own and played games on his computer. He apologized again.

A wave of peace filled me. I was so grateful that God had orchestrated things this way. I forgave him and told him if he ever wants to talk, I'm always willing to listen. If he ever needs help, he can call or email me. And if he's having a bad day, just don't come to class or take it out on me. And I apologized for yelling at him and losing my temper, explaining that no matter what students do, I need to respect them if I expect them to respect me.

End Story.

Writing Class.

The class is busy writing cover letters while I grade old argument papers. The three girls come up to my desk. The ones with the 0s and comments to come see me after class. They hand in their cover letters. The first thing one of the girls says is, "We know." I don't even get to put on my teacher voice or face. Just in case, we are not on the same page, I ask them if they know why I wanted to talk to them. They all nod with these goofy smiles. I ask them why. "Because this is not our work," the spokesgirl says. I sigh and nod. I then proceed to tell them the bad new. They get 0s and cannot make it up. This is not okay to do in America or anywhere. They must do their own work. It is NOT okay to cheat in my class. I will not tolerate it. Those goofy smiles have fallen from their faces and next comes the plea. The spokesgirl asks if they can re-do it and bring it next time. She ask twice I think. Both times get a no. Then panic is on her face. I assure her they will not fail the class. They have other assignments that can improve their grade. But if they continue to cheat, they will fail. I tell them I am here to help and all they have to do is ask. If they needed more time, they should have asked. They explain they were just lazy. They promise not to do it again.

Lesson Learned.

I think God prefers it when we go to Him with our mistakes. When we seek Him out to ask forgiveness. He is more than willing to give grace and mercy, but we have to acknowledge and lay our faults before Him.

Teaching...part 1

The last couple of weeks I had to do some. . .disciplining in my classes. I guess, that's what you could call it. I try to keep my posts short, but the detail are kind of important.

About two weeks ago, a student in my oral English class kind of lashed out at me. At the beginning of class, I had kind of called him out about speaking not speaking English in class. I told him and the people around him that they would have to split up, hoping that they would speak more English. They are all proficient in English, so I wasn't really sure why they did that. Anyway, at the end of the class, I announced that the class was going to prepare for the following week. I encouraged them to be as creative as possible and we could do anything, absolutely anything, as long as we all spoke in English. Most of that class seemed excited. Except this one student. He then began to question me about what was my role, what was I going to do while they taught the class, why was I going to even be here, if they were going to teach the class, they didn't need me.

It's really difficult not to take things personally. I explained that this was a one time thing. I wanted to test their creativity. I wanted to give them freedom too because they don't always like what I plan for class. And I told him I would fully participate in whatever they planned. He just wouldn't have it. He started yelling at me. My heart quickly sank and rose. I was sad and hurt that I was being attacked so directly and completely humiliated and embarrassed. But then my temper kicked in. I didn't yell, but I raised my voice unneccessarily. I told him that he was not required to come to class and that my rules from the beginning of the semester were still true; if you don't want to be here or participate, don't come. I told him not to come next time if he didn't want to. It didn't matter to me. He kept saying they didn't need me. I kept telling him, this was a one time thing. They other students were clearly uncomfortable with it all and tried to get him to stop yelling. The bell rang and I told them I would see them next week.

Pause-Break in that story...

Last week in my writing class I assigned a How To paper. The students were supposed to write directions about how to make something or cook something. This week, I graded them and came across three exceptionally good How To papers. As you might have guessed, the three girls that had turned them in usually have less than average writing. Cheaters!!! I hate giving 0s. I really really do. But I had told myself that if I caught cheaters they would get a 0. So, I just wrote a note on the grading sheet that they needed to come see me after class.

Tune in later to hear what happened...

a heavy heart

This week in class we are doing some discussion questions. The students bring in topics and I choose a couple for us to talk about.

The hot topic was the earthquake in Japan. Which I figured would be a buzzin subject. However, my heart fell when I read how some of the questions were asked; Do you think Japan deserved the earthquake? Do you think it is right for people to think Japan deserved the earthquake? I know the people of this country don't typically like Japan because of their sour past, but my heart was crushed and I just wanted to cry. Students gasped when I read off some of the questions. And then I was quickly annoyed by their false innocence. I have previously had conversations with some students about Japan. And most of them have said, "We hate Japan because of what they did to us." But it seems so unreasonable. And when I joined in some discussions, I heard things like, "I don't think the people of Japan deserved it, but the country deserved it." But I was thinking, "The people are the nation! The nation is the people!!!"

It just made me sad.

On a higher note, I taught some girls how to use air quotes :)