Mandy

This story is from a couple weeks ago with my Sunday afternoon Bible study with Mandy and Sherry. Mandy is on the left and Sherry is on the right.

Sherry asked the question "What do Christians think about luck?"

I said Christians don't believe in luck. Or they shouldn't. They believe everything is God's plan. Whether it is good or bad. Some people might say that Bryant and I meeting was lucky; being in the right place at the right time. But I believe it was God's plan that we should meet each other.

Then Mandy asked if she could share a personal story. I said of course.

But before I tell you a story she told I should give you a little background. There are more than 55 people groups in China. Meaning they're all Chinese, but there of a different ethnic backgrounds. Their language, culture, customs festivals, and traditions all differ a little bit. There are two groups that seemingly always are having conflict. Xinjiang people and Han people. Xinjiang people are closer to Muslim culture than Chinese culture. Han Chinese people are the majority in China.

On to Mandy. She told us about how she was traveling to another city with her father. They were in the train station. Literally the next day there was a riot where Xinjiang people killed many Han. In that exact same train station at the exact same place that her and her father where the previous day. She also told Sherry and I that every time she travels she prays that Father would keep her safe. She went on to explain and express that she doesn't think it's just luck that they weren't killed. She doesn't think it's just luck that they were there the day before not the day of this riot. She is sure and confident that that was the Lord's providence that they were kept safe.

It is always fun and such a tremendous joy to see fellow sisters share their own life experiences with non-believers!

Keep praying for Sherry. When I asked her this week, "If there is a scale of 1 to 10. One is you don't believe there is a god. And Jesus wasn't real. Ten is you believe fully in the Bible. Where are you?"

She said, "Five. I think I am a five. I don't know what I think yet."

Boundaries and Margin

A couple weeks ago, I went to Thailand and met and re-connected with some incredible people. I was encouraged, challenged, refined, humbled and loved. Deeply. We are often so busy doing our own work, we rarely remember each other or make time to catch up. Or at least, that’s the case for me. Out of sight, out of mind. One of the lessons I took away from Thailand was about boundaries and margin.

Spring 2014 was grueling. It was wonderful. But grueling. I was challenged in ways I didn’t know needed stretching. Father brushed away some cobwebs and dusted the crannies of forgotten parts of my heart. Well, parts I had forgotten about, not that He had. 

I can honestly say and see that I was on the verge of “burnout.” I didn’t realize it at the time. I just felt tired, empty, useless and ineffective. While in Thailand, I learned that was a symptom of a life without boundaries and margin.

Boundaries: a limit, imaginary line or unofficial rule of what can and cannot be done. Acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. 

Margin: a reserve, extra time, money, supplies or space used in a the time of need for you or others. (You should have a DAILY reserve. A little extra time every day for you.)

See the difference in boundaries and margin? I didn’t at first. Boundaries are guidelines for your personal life and work life. What are you willing to do and not do? How much can you invest in something or someone? Margin is extra time/money/space for extra stuff that might come up. Is your schedule so full that you don’t have breaks? Do you have free time? Are you always running from one thing to another?

Don’t forget to communicate these boundaries and margins. You should be able to say “no” to things/people in love. When you have decided to cut something out, stick with that decision. But say “no” with love. Hopefully, this will also help you say “yes” in confidence. You will know you have extra time, money or space to help an out an unexpected friend. Or if something fun comes up, you have the ability to say “yes” with out having to cancel something else or move things around. Do not suffer from the “Disease to Please.”

Consequences of no boundaries/margin

1. Burnout
2. Stress-related disease
3. Relationship problems
4. Lack of productiveness
5. Lower quality of life, work and overall satisfaction
6. Eventually results in a chaotic life
7. Potentially career-ending

Rewards of boundaries/margin

1. At your personal potential
2. Have reserves to help people
3. Healthier relationships
4. Good example to others
5. Sustainable life and work/ministry

So, now you see the benefits and dangers of boundaries and margin. How do you make it happen? Here’s how! Make 3 lists. List EVERYTHING that takes up your time, all things that keep you busy.

God-given Obligations

These things are nonnegotiable.

Things might include; a quiet time, a Sabbath, worship, exercise, sleep, ministry, work, etc.

If this list is bigger than all the others, something is wrong. Maybe you are carrying a burden that’s not yours to carry. Maybe it’s time to ask for help. Maybe you need to delegate some things.

Expectations

These things are negotiable.

There are expectations others may have for you; going to dinner, hanging out, babysitting, work parties, event planning, etc.

There are expectations you have for yourself; meeting with a certain number of people a week, following-up on certain relationships, planning, weight loss goals, etc.

Are these things realistic? Are these things binding? Are these things worth your time and effort? Can you really do those things?

Some things might have to be cut out. That’s why they are negotiable!

Bucket List

Things you hope to do this month, this year, the next 5 years!

It’s always good to have dreams and ambitions.

This can be fun stuff; travel, learning a language, learning how to play an instrument, etc.

Okay, now you have lists and categories and you’re organized. What’s next? Planning!!!

Print off some calendars; daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.

Do what works for you! If you are good with a weekly plan, do that. If you are a little more detailed, do it daily-style. If you know you want to take a vacation in January, put it in there. Don’t allow yourself to change that. Stick to it! Vacations are ok. If you want to work out every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, put it on there. And do it. This is all Part One of the process. Part Two is execution. I haven’t gotten there yet. But I’m a go-getter, so I feel confident I’ll do it.

Linda and her heavy burden...Part Two

If you haven't read my previous post, Part One, you should.

Ok, picture it. August 2013. Linda calls and asks about my upcoming Bible class!!! I'm so glad she remembered, or Father reminded her. I told her the time, place and date. She said she could come the first couple weeks because she doesn't have class. She teaches freshmen and they start later in the semester. I was excited and told her I would meet her and we could walk together.

The first couple weeks we cover Creation, the Fall, freedom, The Law, etc. Some good ol' good Old Testament stuff. She loved the Creation story. 

"God must be so creative and so powerful to do all those things. But I still can't understand how there is light, but there is no sun. He is also very organized."

When we talk about the Fall, I pose the "What is freedom?" question. And "Are rules necessary?" "Can you have rules and freedom?"

"This is such a good question. It really makes me think and I think it makes your students think too. I always thought freedom is doing what I want. But there must be rules. If there is no rules, things will go crazy. Maybe society can not be under control. And God gave the man and woman one rule. It's very easy, but they didn't follow. Before I knew the whole story, I thought God is so cruel. But I can understand more. We must follow rules. We should follow rules. Or there will be chaos."

After a couple weeks, she couldn't come to class anymore. We met a couple times outside of class and talked more about the Bible. I also gave her one to borrow. She said she had been reading it and loved all the stories. They were very interesting.

Around November 2013, she told me she didn't want to be separated from her husband anymore. She was really upset about this. But he was unwilling to move back after graduating in May 2014. He wanted her to go there. But she knew the difficulties of moving and how hard their life would be. He didn't have a promise of a job after graduation. She also wasn't sure if she was going to be able to find a job. Many Chinese people say, "The competition is fierce." There are SO many people with much of the same certificates and qualifications. You have to be exceptional in order to stand out and be hired. She wasn't confident that she would be noticed in such a massive city. All these worried about her marriage, finances, her in-laws, her son and job weighed heavy on her. But she was pretty sure, even if she didn't want to go, her husband wasn't going to budge. She would more than likely be moving in summer of 2014.

I told her I would be praying for her and her family. I would be really sad if she would to go, but I understand. If I was married, I would most DEFINITELY not live in a different city. I told her to keep reading the Bible I gave since it gives her peace. And that she is more than welcome to take it with her. Join me in praying for her.

Linda and her heavy burden...Part One

I met Linda 3 years ago. She is a teacher in the Foreign Language Department too. She was immediately drawn to me because I was so beautiful and young. Her words, not mine ;) I wasn't sure how I was going to relate to her. She is married and had a young son. She had never been to America and had some back problems. I tried sharing the Good News with her anyways. She quickly told me she has always been interested in spiritual things. But she didn't know how to learn about it and she didn't know how to choose which religion to follow. I offered to study with her, but she politely refused. She had to take care of her son. He was just over a year at the time. I told her I was always willing to talk with her whenever she had time. Over the course of the school year, we meet a handful of times to eat and chat.

Fast forward to 2011. She shared more details of her struggles with me. She wasn't really happy with her husband. He was a nice enough guy, but she decided to marry him because she was getting older and he was kind. But ever since we met, he had been study for his master's in Beijing. He only came home twice a year. She also told me more about her back problems and how it really held her back from a number of things. She always felt tired and still didn't know what to believe in. She said she had been reading a book about Buddhism recently.

Sweet, sweet Linda. In 2012, she invited me to her home several times. Each time we talked, I made sure to share my beliefs with her. She was always curious about my peace and faith. She has made several comments over the years about how I never seem stressed. I told her that the peace I had only came from God. I offered again and again to study with her. The year before, I had given her a Bible. But she still declined and said that maybe next year she would join the Bible class I teach. I said I would gladly welcome her to my class. She also told me her back problems had improved some, but still didn't feel fully healed. 

Over the years, Linda had asked me about marriage and finding a husband. Like most people, they wonder if I will seek out a Chinese man to marry. I say the same thing. My beliefs, my God is my utmost priority. So, I don't really care what nationality a man is, but he MUST be a believer. He MUST love the Lord. And if I find a man that loves the Lord as much as I do and loves me, it would be something to consider. But I will wait until the Lord reveals that man to me. If he does. I also tell people I deeply desire to have a husband and children, but maybe that is not in God's plan for me. So, I should be obedient to what he asks me to do.Whether it's get married, have kids, stay in China, go to another place, go home, don't get married or don't have kids. Each time, she said, "You have so much faith. To believe. To wait." And I say, "I have to. If I don't have my belief in God, I have nothing. It's not easy believing and following. And sometimes, it's terribly lonely. But I love God more than I love myself or my comfort. So, I continue."


Come back for Part Two to hear about when she attend my Bible Class!!!