Boundaries and Margin

A couple weeks ago, I went to Thailand and met and re-connected with some incredible people. I was encouraged, challenged, refined, humbled and loved. Deeply. We are often so busy doing our own work, we rarely remember each other or make time to catch up. Or at least, that’s the case for me. Out of sight, out of mind. One of the lessons I took away from Thailand was about boundaries and margin.

Spring 2014 was grueling. It was wonderful. But grueling. I was challenged in ways I didn’t know needed stretching. Father brushed away some cobwebs and dusted the crannies of forgotten parts of my heart. Well, parts I had forgotten about, not that He had. 

I can honestly say and see that I was on the verge of “burnout.” I didn’t realize it at the time. I just felt tired, empty, useless and ineffective. While in Thailand, I learned that was a symptom of a life without boundaries and margin.

Boundaries: a limit, imaginary line or unofficial rule of what can and cannot be done. Acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. 

Margin: a reserve, extra time, money, supplies or space used in a the time of need for you or others. (You should have a DAILY reserve. A little extra time every day for you.)

See the difference in boundaries and margin? I didn’t at first. Boundaries are guidelines for your personal life and work life. What are you willing to do and not do? How much can you invest in something or someone? Margin is extra time/money/space for extra stuff that might come up. Is your schedule so full that you don’t have breaks? Do you have free time? Are you always running from one thing to another?

Don’t forget to communicate these boundaries and margins. You should be able to say “no” to things/people in love. When you have decided to cut something out, stick with that decision. But say “no” with love. Hopefully, this will also help you say “yes” in confidence. You will know you have extra time, money or space to help an out an unexpected friend. Or if something fun comes up, you have the ability to say “yes” with out having to cancel something else or move things around. Do not suffer from the “Disease to Please.”

Consequences of no boundaries/margin

1. Burnout
2. Stress-related disease
3. Relationship problems
4. Lack of productiveness
5. Lower quality of life, work and overall satisfaction
6. Eventually results in a chaotic life
7. Potentially career-ending

Rewards of boundaries/margin

1. At your personal potential
2. Have reserves to help people
3. Healthier relationships
4. Good example to others
5. Sustainable life and work/ministry

So, now you see the benefits and dangers of boundaries and margin. How do you make it happen? Here’s how! Make 3 lists. List EVERYTHING that takes up your time, all things that keep you busy.

God-given Obligations

These things are nonnegotiable.

Things might include; a quiet time, a Sabbath, worship, exercise, sleep, ministry, work, etc.

If this list is bigger than all the others, something is wrong. Maybe you are carrying a burden that’s not yours to carry. Maybe it’s time to ask for help. Maybe you need to delegate some things.

Expectations

These things are negotiable.

There are expectations others may have for you; going to dinner, hanging out, babysitting, work parties, event planning, etc.

There are expectations you have for yourself; meeting with a certain number of people a week, following-up on certain relationships, planning, weight loss goals, etc.

Are these things realistic? Are these things binding? Are these things worth your time and effort? Can you really do those things?

Some things might have to be cut out. That’s why they are negotiable!

Bucket List

Things you hope to do this month, this year, the next 5 years!

It’s always good to have dreams and ambitions.

This can be fun stuff; travel, learning a language, learning how to play an instrument, etc.

Okay, now you have lists and categories and you’re organized. What’s next? Planning!!!

Print off some calendars; daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.

Do what works for you! If you are good with a weekly plan, do that. If you are a little more detailed, do it daily-style. If you know you want to take a vacation in January, put it in there. Don’t allow yourself to change that. Stick to it! Vacations are ok. If you want to work out every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, put it on there. And do it. This is all Part One of the process. Part Two is execution. I haven’t gotten there yet. But I’m a go-getter, so I feel confident I’ll do it.

Whole30 rocked my world...

Oh yes. I have followed the trend. If you don't even know what Whole30 is, just goes to show how much cooler I am than you ;) 

But seriously, I don't want to be dramatic. However, Whole30 has kind of changed my life. I'll first tell you the Purpose...

It's like the healthiest, most intense detox of your life!!! It's meant to boost your energy levels, give you more regular bowels, up your metabolism, boost your immune system, eliminate certain conditions or aches. The food we eat has more of an effect on us than we know or can to admit. Stripping certain foods from your diet for 30 days can have wonderful health and psychological benefits.

The Rules...

• No sugar of any kind: raw, organic, artificial, etc.
• No dairy: no raw milk, goat milk, soy milk, cheese, butter, yogurt, etc.
• No legumes: no beans of any kind, black, kidney, white, pinto, lima, peanuts, etc.
• No alcohol or tobacco.
• No grains: wheat, barley, oat, corn, rice, etc. This also includes quinoa and couscous, the pseudo-grains.
• No white, red, purple or gold potatoes. In any form.
• No carrageenan, MSG or sulfites. It's really important to check the labels of things you are buying or going to cook with.
• No paleo-ifying baked goods, desserts or snacks. You are trying to break those habits of snacking unnecessarily and eating "junk food." For the next 30 days, don't try to replicate food you miss. Just eat good, real, wholesome food.

My Whole30
I'm going to do my best to put it all into one paragraph. In the beginning, I honestly thought I was going to fall asleep at the wheel. Well, hypothetically. I live in China, so I don't do much driving. Okay, I do NO driving. But if I was behind a wheel, I think I would have fallen asleep during the first week. Depriving my body of sugar was the hardest part. I mean, I didn't gorge myself on it before, but my morning coffee always had sugar and milk. Which leads to my second challenge. COFFEE. I thought I wasn't going to make it! I was sure I was going to give up coffee altogether before the 30 days was up. But other than that I had fun cooking and trying to create new dishes with what seemed limited ingredients and spices.

Okay, I can't do one paragraph. It's going to be more like four. Week Two. I was feeling it!!! They call it Tiger Blood. I was SO energized. I was sleeping better, more fully and deeper. I was guzzling black coffee. My bowels were better than they have ever been. If you know me, I've never had good bowels. I'm almost always constipated and I usually have to drink a special tea to get things going. TMI? Get over it. I was even feeling lighter. And I was past the icky bloated stage, so that was nice too.

Week Three. Not much to say. Things were still going well. I was getting a little frustrating/bored with food. I was having a hard time feeling like I wasn't eating the same thing over and over again. And I was craving sweets and breads more than ever. But I didn't give in!

Week Four Plus 2 days. At first half of the last week, I had this anxious, can't wait to be done feeling. All I wanted to do is eat chocolate and pumpkin bread and banana bread, ANY bread! But I didn't give in or entertain those thoughts too much because I knew I was almost done. The second half was full of ideas and thoughts. How was I going to go on after Whole30? What habits did I want to continue? Was I going to allow sugar again? How can I be healthy about the amount of breads and grains I eat? Why did I EVER taint my coffee with sugar and milk before?! I'm trying to figure it all out.

Cons/Hard Stuff

1. Don't let my optimism fool you. It was tough to stick to. And I did mess up a couple times because I was a little absent-minded. But I'm not a die-hard Whole30ist, so I didn't start over at day 1 when I did.
2. I was super tired the first week-ish.
3. There was one day around day 9 or 10 that I had really bad stomach cramps. Like fetal position style.
4. After a while, it got hard to be creative with food.
5. Living in China, it was tough not having some things that could be easily purchased in America. Like seasonings or sauces other Whole30ists used.
6. At first, cooking/prepping/planning was a hassle!! What a time consumer.
7. I had trouble with breakfast. I'm not a breakfast eater. So, that was tough to do.
8. I also had trouble with the portion sizes. It felt like SOOO MUCH food sometimes.
9. Always having to cook at home. China is a social-eating society.
10. Having to go to the grocery store more often.
11. I missed yogurt a lot!

Pros/Things I've learned

1. I feel like my tastebuds have been enhanced.
2. I have more energy.
3. Better bowels and movements.
4. Sleep has improved. I fall asleep faster and longer and deeper.
5. I lost about 12 lbs/5.5 kg. Arms, legs, tummy overall skinner.
6. For the most part, I've broken my nasty snacking habit. AND if I ABSOLUTELY have to have a snack, I make it a healthy one; fruits, nuts, etc.
7. My close fit better.
8. I feel healthier and lighter.
9. I know I can live without sweets, sugar, breads and other things I thought I couldn't do with out.
10. I LOVE BLACK COFFEE.
11. My mouth salivates when I think about wholesome, all natural, unprocessed food.
12. I don't crave bad foods or junk food.
13. Having a healthier relationship with carbs. And food in general.
14. Enjoying cooking again and getting better at it. Or at least I think so.
15. Connecting with my body. That sounds so "spiritual" and "hippie." But I mean, I know when I'm truly hungry and when I'm not. And making a wise decision accordingly.
16. I have a good sense of how different foods effect my mood, body and energy levels.
17. Starbucks will be a special treat. I won't over do it.

Here's the site. Check out Whole30 and decide if it's something you want to try.

Hahahaha, and please ignore my face in the photos above.